Leaving India, Coming Home

Sept. 8, Day 12

Today was our last full day in India, and a free day for us, since all of our paperwork was completed. One of the waiters we got to know at our hotel, the Hilton Garden Inn (BEST HOTEL STAFF EVER), offered to take us all shopping, so we had the chance to visit a local market, where I stocked up on scarves. I was so impressed with the care everyone gave us, especially Reagan.

Thursday night we planned on celebrating our last night by eating at the buffet in the restaurant, but it didn't open until 7:00, so we ordered off the menu. The food was amazing, as usual. Every morning of our stay at the hotel, we ate their epic breakfast, which included plenty of American and Indian food. On our last night, the staff offered to pack a dinner the next night for Marella, since our plane didn't leave until close to midnight.

Sept. 9 and 10, Day 13 and 14 -- HEADING HOME!

I woke up Friday morning with a slightly irritated and swollen left eye, and not feeling super great. Not terrible, just not great. Not really hungry. Went to breakfast, ate a little, chatted with some of the staff, and went back to our room to pack all our clothes. The Hilton graciously gave us a 5:00 checkout, which allowed us to relax, take a nap (in theory anyway), and not feel so rushed.

Also, two of the waiters came to our room with a going-away cake for Marella. PRECIOUS.

By the time we checked out, I was feeling pretty lousy. At the risk of oversharing, I had to sip Coke, and at one point eat a couple crackers, to keep the little food I ate earlier in the day inside my stomach.

We got to the airport early, which was fine since we didn't know how long it would take to get through security with our new daughter. Although there were many steps, it felt pretty seamless, and everyone was exceedingly kind (and I managed to not get sick all over the airport, although there was a time while we were checking our bags that I wasn't so sure ...)

I had hot tea for dinner, and felt a bit better by the time we got on the plane for our 14-hour flight to Newark. Ambitious with two children under the age of 4, one who doesn't really know who you are? Perhaps. But all things considered, it went well. Reagan slept at the beginning and the end, and watched movies in the middle. Marella slept for four hours, woke up to eat a bit and snuggle, and fell back asleep for another four to five hours, and then slept again for another hour right before we landed.

I didn't sleep, more than 30 minutes or so. Sometime during the flight, my nausea was replaced by the feeling that there was a tiny person with a big hammer pounding right behind my eyes, and my right eye started to sting like crazy. Soon after we landed at Newark, a little after 4 in the morning, it swelled almost completely shut (I was so, so pretty ...).

But besides that, I have to say, getting through customs and immigration was ten times easier than I expected. We had her passport and our exit permits, and the whole process took maybe ten minutes. Found our bags, rechecked them, went through security, and we were done.

It hit me right after we were cleared at immigration, while waiting for our bags, that WE DID IT, and I burst into tears (that happened a lot on this trip). This little girl who we prayed for and believed for and hoped for for four long years, was home. With us. In the United States. All the paperwork and loopholes and money spent and tears shed felt completely worth it in that moment.

We had (sigh) almost 12 hours in Newark before our plane to Nashville. I'm not entirely sure what all we did in that 12 hours, but we survived. We talked. We walked. We ate lunch -- which was really frustrating because, after two weeks of not being able to eat fresh vegetables, all I wanted was a salad, but based on the price of salads in the Newark airport, I'm guessing the vegetables are dusted in gold.

But we did survive, even with my one working eye. Reagan did great. Marella did great. I just wanted to sleep.

We were in the air, close to the Nashville airport, when we found out we had to divert to Atlanta to get more fuel, thanks to a thunderstorm in Nashville. By this point, I had been awake for over 48 hours, and had taken three Benadryl within about six hours to try to make my eye stop hurting/itching. I was sitting between Reagan and Marella, with my husband one row up, and allllll I wanted was to be home.

Finally, about two hours after we were originally scheduled to land, we made it! I knew some people would be waiting for us, but honestly, after our epic travel day (which spanned more than 36 hours), I thought I was too tired to have any kind of reaction.

I was so wrong.

That feeling of seeing so many people who have walked this long journey with us, waiting for us, was one of the best feelings I've ever had. I will never forget it. We have been so blessed by so many people who walked with us, prayed with us, supported us, and it felt like it all culminated in that moment.

We did finally make it home and in our own beds. We are now adjusting to life as a family of four. Four!! Reagan is a champ. I'm not sure his little mind really grasped that his sister was going to be here permanently, but he's adjusting well.

Marella loves to eat! So far it's been Denise Palma's yeast rolls, pasta and peanut butter bars, along with bananas. She is fantastic as long as I am in the room, and screams as soon as I leave. She has a fiery personality and I love her so much, my heart actually aches sometimes.

Thank you to everyone who has emailed us, called us, texted us, sent us Facebook love, stood in the gap for us, and believed with us. We did it. One less orphan. She is home.

"I don't want a flame, I want a fire. I wanna be the one who stands up and says, 'I'm gonna do something.'" ~Matthew West, 'Do Something'

Journey in India, Part 2

Sept. 4, Day 8

It would be fitting with this entire adoption journey if the week continued with everyone seamlessly getting along, Reagan becoming the perfect child, adapting well while halfway around the world, while Mommy and Daddy take care of his new baby sister, who is delighted to be freed from the stagnant orphanage.

Unfortunately, adoption isn't all rainbows and lollipops.

Sunday, Sept. 4, was hard. So, so hard. Hard on everyone. Hard on me. Hard on my husband. Hard on Reagan. Hard on Marella. So hard.

Marella, or Princess as we have dubbed her, wanted to be held. Allll day. By me. And only me. JUST me. All day. She did not want to sit. She did not want to lay down. She did not want to walk more than three steps. She just wanted me to hold her, on my left hip. All day.

Sweet little Reagan, realizing someone else had Mommy's attention, wanted Mommy to hold him. By the end of the day, we were all near our breaking point. My left arm was so tired it felt like it was going to fall off. Reagan had an epic meltdown. Johnny and I were both SPENT. Exhausted. Marella cried at bedtime. Reagan screamed. I thought I was going to lose my mind.

It was not a great day. Just keeping it real. It was, aside from the chocolate waffle at breakfast, a pretty terrible day.

Marella did smile some at dinner, at TGIFriday's. Full disclosure: It goes against everything I believe in to go to a foreign country and eat American food. But we have realized that even their American food is spicy, at least by a four-year-old's standards, and after all we have put him through, if we have the opportunity to give him food from a kid's menu in an American restaurant, then so be it. He's a fantastic eater at home. I might have gotten him pizza and french fries Sunday night at dinner. Desperate times ....

But, dinner was one small bright spot in a very difficult day. Marella and Reagan each received a wind-up toy, and little Princess decided Miss Joyce was her personal winder-upper. She giggled and laughed and babbled in a language we didn't understand.

Sept. 5, Day 9


Thankfully, Monday was MUCH better. Normally, we would have continued our exit process today to be able to legally leave the country with Marella, but since it was a holiday in India, we had another day off. Reagan did school work with Miss Joyce for a bit, and then we hung out in the lobby, the six of us, for much of the morning. Marella still only wanted me, but she did chatter a lot more and smiled.

During nap time, as soon as Reagan woke up -- as in, the second he opened his eyes -- I put my finger to my mouth to tell him to be quiet, picked him up, grabbed his shoes, and we escaped. We put his shoes on in the hall, and went to the mall next door to get him cotton candy. Again, desperate times. It was the BEST time. My heart was so full, holding his hand walking through the mall, I might have wiped a tear or two away. I will never, ever, ever be able to articulate how proud I am of him, throughout this entire process.

I told him we couldn't stay long, but we sat on a bench for a bit and just had Mommy and Reagan time. I'm not sure who needed it more.

When he got his cotton candy, it came out as this big flower, and my first thought was that I wished I had my phone to capture the moment. But I have to say, I think the demise of my phone might be a really great thing for this trip. I'm not capturing moments; I'm living in them. The world will not end if a few hundred people miss the picture of a wide-eyed four-year-old with a stick of pink cotton candy as big as his head. I was in the moment, and it was awesome.

We went back to Chili's for dinner, and once again, Marella chattered away. We didn't see children eating at a table in the orphanage, but for some reason, she comes alive at the table. And, Princess made it very clear that she did not want the broken up bits of my food I put on a plate for her. She wanted my food, from my plate, and her water from a glass, not a plastic cup, please and thank you.

Funny story: We are all sleeping in the same bed. The two littlest ones take up the most space, by far. So, after they were both asleep, and we were clinging to the edge of the bed, my husband decided to scoot Marella over a bit, to the middle.

WELL, Princess woke up and did not want to be moved, and started rattling off in a language we did not understand, but BOY WAS SHE MAD.

At least we know she is feisty.

Sept. 6, Day 10

Today Reagan stayed back with Mr. Steve and Miss Joyce while we had our embassy appointment. Our visa interview lasted about three minutes, and then we went to the FRRO (Foreigner Regional Registration Offices) to secure a place in line, then BACK to the embassy to pick up our visa, and then back to the FRRO, where we waited about 20 minutes for our number to be called. The good news is that we got a lot more done in one day than we planned, but I will admit, it definitely wasn't my favorite day. There was a lot of waiting, and a bit of anxiety, because the interview at the embassy just sounded a bit intimidating -- but in reality, it was really easy. But the entire day was a lot of time in the car, a lot of heat, a lot of waiting, and a bit of fussing from a little girl who did not understand what we were doing.

Reagan did well with the Samples, though, and was rewarded with pool time. You guys, this pool was EPIC. It looked like it belonged in a hotel at a 5-star resort. It was Marella's first time in the pool, and I'm not sure what she thought of it. No tears, just lots of clinging.

After several days of eating at the mall, we decided we needed something different, so we ordered room service pizza and naan, followed by a banana split and raspberry chocolate souffle, which we all shared. We went to bed completely exhausted, but thrilled with all we got done.

Sept. 7, Day 11

Early this morning, Marella must have had a bad dream, because we woke up to her screaming, 'Ma-MEEE!! Ma-MEEE!' I scooped her up and she fell right back asleep on top of me, which is how she likes to sleep. Surprisingly, thanks to melatonin, a sleeping pill and a benadryl, I actually slept all night, still waking up about once an hour to make sure no one was sleeping on top of her.

Sweet Marella discovered the joy of chocolate waffles with whipped cream this morning. She also loves bananas, mango yogurt and banana bread.

My sweet friend Ruth, who lives in New Delhi, came to see me today. Her visit was a breath of fresh air in the middle of a very intense experience. Johnny went back to the FRRO and to CARA  (Central Adoption Resource Authority), and then we should be done with all of our paperwork. We leave Friday night (Sept. 9) at 11:35 PM, and land on Saturday (Sept. 10) around 5:30.

Marella is starting to warm up to other people, but she still wants me with/near her all the time. It's making us realize how important it is to let her bond with US first, and to follow all of the experts advice. Once she has formed a very close bond with us, we will start letting others hold her, but it will be a few months. Ideally, by Christmas we can hopefully let the grandparents and immediate family start holding her, but we really need to let her take the lead. Of course, our ultimate goal is to make her feel as safe and secure as possible. She's had almost two years of instability and insecurity.

But if anyone really wants to show love to someone, I know of a really, really, really cute four-year-old who could use some extra attention....

Journey in India, Part One

I've been trying to post daily updates regarding our adoption, but it's hard to sum it all up in short sound bites, so I'm going to condense it here to keep our family and friends informed. It has been a JOURNEY, but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

Aug. 28 and 29, Day 1 and 2

We left our house a little after 8:00 AM on Sunday morning, checked our (very) heavy bag, and met Russell and Janice Mauldin for a time of prayer and a send-off. After all the waiting, all the preparations, all of the last minute details, I was in a bit of shock that, almost four years after we started talking about adopting, we were actually getting on a plane to go get her. Well, actually four planes, but more on that in a minute.

We flew Nashville to Chicago to Newark to New Delhi. The first two flights were only about two hours, and the last one was about 14 hours. We left Newark around 10 at night, and landed in New Delhi about 9:30 PM, thanks to the time change. And wow, was United Airlines disappointing. I've flown a lot. I've flown internationally a lot. I've never, ever had such a terrible experience. From the flight attendant who insisted the shade stay down for the entire 14-hour flight, to the non-working TV screen, and not being offered anything but water in a 12-hour period, (which was only offered twice), it was pretty awful. Reagan was such a trooper though. He slept twice, watched movies, played with the Kindle his Aunt Tracy loaned us, and continued his role as Best Traveler Ever.

After we landed, as late as it was, I tried to soak it all in. India is just so, so different from the United States in so many ways. The traffic, the cars, the people, the poverty -- it was a bit of a shock to my system, even though I had been to New Delhi previously. I wish I could have known what Reagan was thinking. He seemed to be in awe of it -- plus, he was pretty excited he didn't have to sit in a car seat, since they don't really exist in India.

Aug. 30, Day 3

We stayed at a Four Points the first two nights. By the time we checked in, got our stuff organized, and took showers, it was close to midnight. Thankfully everyone slept well, until about 8:30. We ate at the breakfast buffet in our hotel, and then just lounged around all day. Reagan had more screen time in one day than he has probably had all month. We relaxed, trying to savor our last couple of days as a family of three.

Aug. 31, Day 4

We flew from Delhi to Pune, about a two-hour flight, on Jet Airways. Unlike United staff, who seemed completely bothered by our existence, the Jet Airways staff were AMAZING. We were served a hot meal both times. Too bad they aren't based in the United States. We were driven to our hotel, ordered room service (which is ridiculously cheap here) and savored our last night as a family of three.

Sept. 1, Day 5

I  have to admit, I barely slept at all the night before we left to pick up Marella. My mind was swirling, wondering how Reagan would be, wondering how she would be, wondering how we would be. I had second thoughts. I wondered if it was a mistake. I wondered how quickly we could get to her. I wondered if she would love us or hate us.

We left our hotel at 6:00 AM and drove to Solapur with a guide and a driver. The drive took just under four hours, and was actually quite picturesque. We pulled up to ramshackle building, tucked away on a side street. The sense of cleanliness in India is different than what we are accustomed to, but it was still a bit shocking to me. However, once we got inside the orphanage, away from the street, it was a bit better.

We sat and talked with the director for a few minutes, and then they brought her out. I thought maybe I'd burst into tears, or maybe I'd laugh. Or, something. Instead, I just stared at her. Reagan, on the other hand, walked right over to her and started playing with her. She seemed to sense something was going on, and she also showed that she has some serious spunk. After a few minutes, I tried to pick her up, and she waved her hand at me to say, "No!" and then marched off, hands behind her back.

We were given a tour of the orphanage. Three rooms housing about 25 children, each room not much bigger than a large closet. With the exception of Marella, all of the children were in bed. At noon. There were some that I desperately wanted to scoop up and run out of the orphanage with.

I believe the director and the workers are doing the best they can. But I counted five toys. Five toys for all those children, who were all in bed in the middle of the day. It was heart-breaking, for sure.

They had a giving away ceremony for us, and then we left with her in our arms. Poor little girl screamed and screamed and screamed, as we carried her away from the only home she ever knew. I so badly wished I could tell her we were actually helping her -- that she was only going to be able to stay at the orphanage until she was six, and then she would go to a sterile institution until she was 14, and then be on the streets. I wanted her to know that this was for her good, even if she didn't see it yet. I wanted her to know how desperately she was wanted and cared for and loved, by her family and so many friends, but I couldn't tell her any of that. Instead, I held her while she cried, and I cried too -- for her, and for all the children who may never have a family of their own. Their future is bleak.

After sobbing for several minutes, she fell into a deep sleep, and when she awoke, apparently decided I'm her person. Since then, I haven't been able to put her down for even a second without her crying her heart out. It's been hard for Reagan to understand.

Sept. 2, Day 6

Marella slept all night long, and even smiled at me a bit when she woke up. We ate breakfast at the hotel (which she promptly threw back up), and then flew back to New Delhi from Pune. She made it very clear that she hated the lap belt she had to wear, and also disliked flying in general. Reagan, God bless him, was also starting to show the strain, not that we blame him. It was his fifth plane in six days, not to mention the eight-hour car ride. But, we returned to seeing Mr. Steve and Miss Joyce, which made it so much better.

Sept. 3, Day 7

We ate breakfast at the hotel, and took Marella to get our exit permits, and also for her medical evaluation. While waiting for our permits, I spoke to our guide, Gloria, about Marella. Gloria said often times children are abandoned, especially disabled girls, because they are considered a burden to their family. They will be difficult to marry off, because they are flawed, and so it's easier for the parents to dispose of them than to keep them. My heart shattered a little more.

Later, at the medical evaluation, my husband read her medical file. We got one at the orphanage, which we didn't take time to read until we were at the doctor's office.

Lord, have mercy.

This girl. This sweet, beautiful, precious little girl, with eyes like big brown saucers and the CUTEST little pout, was found abandoned in a pile of trash, outside of a bathroom.

Someone put her out with the trash.

I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't.

This little girl, who is one of the two best gifts I have ever been given, was considered trash, most likely because of a deformed foot.

You can be certain I will delete this post before she is old enough to read. because that will never be part of her new story. Ever. Nope.

I haven't been able to shake that - that this little girl who sleeps only while resting on me, was considered as worthless as a piece of trash.

And then I think of all those other babies, abandoned for whatever reason, and I want to take them all. I know we can't, but I desperately want to.

But for today, I will love on her, and I will love on Reagan, who has struggled today. He didn't want to share, he didn't want me to hold her, and he ran away from me at the elevator.

It's OK. He's four. He'll get it. The compassion and tenderness he has shown her will continue. We've asked a lot of him this week. I trust his big brother heart. It's normal for him to act out. He woke up again with his arm around her, and then got upset when she didn't want to be that close to him.

We will be OK. We are family.



"I don't want a flame, I want a fire. I wanna be the one who stands up and says, 'I'm gonna do something.'" ~Matthew West, 'Do Something'