Most people who know anything about me know that the two biggest loves in my life are my husband, Johnny, and my sweet little boy, Reagan (also known as The Best Baby Ever).
I got married (for the second time) in 2011. My husband and I became engaged after five months of dating, and were married almost exactly one year after our first non-official/official date. But there is, of course, much more to the story.
I moved to Nashville in 1999, for what I assumed would be one year. It never occurred to me that I would stay here this long, nor that I would start a family here, but life is full of funny surprises.
When I moved here, I had just experienced a very painful divorce that left me broken, bewildered, disappointed, and financially depleted. The move here was an attempt to break away from a lot of hurt and anger, and find myself again.
In that first year, my now-husband and I went on one date. I didn't like him. At all. He was nice and kind and polite and very chivalrous -- the complete opposite of what I had just come out of. So I never went out with him again, until 10 years later.
In that decade, I rediscovered myself. A lot of healing took place. I stopped being a victim. I discovered I liked myself. I dated some great (and some not-so-great) people. I learned plenty about myself.
At the end of 2009, I was single again, after a particularly painful break-up earlier in the year with a great guy, who was just not right for me. On New Year's Day, as I was leaving a friend's house, I realized I was, once again, unattached. Every relationship I had tried in the past 10 years (four long-ish plus a few hits-and-misses) had failed for one reason or another.
I was now in my late 30s. I knew all the conventional wisdom. Books and speakers and websites and friends all swore by the 'stop looking and it will come.' To me, the very concept of 'not looking' to find a soul mate was just another way of looking. It's kind of like covering your eyes so you can't see, and then peeking between your fingertips to see what's out there. I had tried that. I was done with that. It didn't work. Nor was I comfortable with the idea of manipulating my environment in that way. Either love would come, or it wouldn't.
So, that New Year's Day morning, in 2010, I made a decision. I was done dating. Not done until someone great came along. Not done for a month, six months, a year. I was done. Really, really done. And once I made that decision, I felt such peace. Instead, I would move to India -- a place I was going to visit in only a few months -- and work in an orphanage. I'd surround myself with children who needed love. Instead of giving birth to my own children, I'd love other children who desperately needed love. I was really happy with the decision.
It was a really good plan.
And then, I started dreaming about Johnny every night. And when I say every night, I'm not exaggerating. Every single night, he was in my dreams in one form or another. Sometimes the dream centered around him, and sometimes he was just a character in my dream, but every night he was there when I fell asleep.
I found it strange, because I was done dating, so why would I be dreaming about some guy? We were friends, since we went to the same church and sang in the choir together. We were friendly. We even had a moment at a Christmas party where I was leaning against him for a full five minutes before I realized how close I was to him. We were comfortable. But we were not romantic.
I went on the life-changing trip to India, where I was surrounded by a culture I fell in love with, and a people who took residence in my heart. And still, every night while half a world away, Johnny was in my dreams in some form.
Shortly after I returned, my windshield wipers broke on my car. Having been single for so long, I became quite adept at doing certain things for myself, but I couldn't manage to get the broken wiper removed. Johnny noticed it one Sunday morning, and offered to change it for me. Two mornings later, he showed up at my house, bearing a latte and chocolate, and changed my windshield wiper for me on his way to work.
I promised to buy him dinner to thank him. A few nights later, after a choir performance at Opryland hotel, we went to Macaroni Grill. We chatted long after we were finished with our meal, and when the check came, he insisted on picking up the tab.
Fine, I said. I'll make you dinner. Saturday night.
Here was my first clue that I might be feeling something I wasn't about to admit -- I obsessed over the meal all day. And cooking is something that comes naturally to me. I can host a dinner for 10 people and not break a sweat, but this one dinner took me most of the day. Steak, mashed potatoes with cheese, asparagus, salad, rolls and Grandma Moyer's chocolate cake.
After dinner, we watched a movie, although neither of us can remember which one it was. After the movie, as he was getting ready to leave, he said,
"I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but I've been dreaming about you every night."
While I was dreaming about him, he was dreaming about me. Five months later, we were engaged. Now here we are, married with a child. Life is full of beautiful surprises.
Someone asked me once if I regretted not dating him when we first went out all those years ago. My answer is a resounding 'no,' although I'll admit I had to wrestle with that question myself at first. But what I know firmly is that when we went out on our sole date in 2000, I was still broken. I was only a shell of who I was meant to be, and there was barely a glimpse of who I was to become. Had I brought that into another marriage, we would have most likely not have survived.
Also, our time apart allowed my husband to live with his nephew as he grew up -- and he has turned into a fantastic young man.
Life works out the way it's supposed to. I don't understand the twists and turns. I don't understand why God had us wait so long. I don't need to know. What I do know is that once I took my hands completely off of my future, it turned into something so much more beautiful than I could have ever imagined.
And yes, we are still going to India someday.
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