I've wrestled and wrestled and wrestled with whether to write this or not. I have tried very hard not to get into the political fray. When I see someone post something about politics, especially something divisive or argumentative, I want to yell, figuratively and literally, "Can't we all just get along?"
I have tried to stay silent, bite my tongue, and ignore the hate-filled speech, the accusatory comments from both sides, the "If you are voting for ____ , go ahead and unfriend me now" statements that show up in my newsfeed every. single. day. From both political sides.
But I can't. I can't stay quiet, because I feel like this election, more than any other, at least since I've been alive, has brought out the worst in all of us. We've taken our stand, drawn our lines in the sand, and dared anyone to disagree with us. We've started arguments and canceled friendships, all in the name of trying to make other people think like us, believe like us, vote like us. We've used party lines to divide us.
Perhaps, in that sense then, both parties have already won. Or lost.
What is it about politics that makes it such an us-or-them mentality? Of course, we want our nation to do well, and of course we vote for people who most align with our beliefs. But what are we solving by highlighting our differences, instead of focusing on our common ground?
My friend Linda is a vegetarian. This week I've had beef and broccoli, a chicken burrito and a meatball.
I have friends who are anti-gun. My husband has a carry permit.
My friend Richard doesn't go to church. I'm there almost every Sunday.
My friend Beth is a stay-at-home Mom (and rocks at it, by the way). I bring in half of our family's income.
I could go on and on, but you get the point.
Why are we so focused on the things that divide us, instead of the things that unite us? What is that helping?
I am all for polite and civil discussion, even -- or maybe especially -- among people who tend to vote differently than I do. I genuinely enjoy hearing other people's point of view, but whether we have similar or different political views doesn't change how I feel about them as a person.
A funny thing happened during the last Presidential election. I happened to have lunch with a friend the day we both voted, so of course we discussed it. I asked her who she voted for, and she told me, and then she asked me, and I told her I voted for the other party.
Then you know what we did?
We laughed, and talked about something else. I would no more cease to be her friend because she had different political views, than I would because she spent her money differently, or liked different books than I did.
Also during the last election, I watched one of the debates between the Vice-President hopefuls, so between Joe Biden and Paul Ryan. As I was watching, I completely disagreed with almost everything one of the men said. I shook my head a lot, and frankly thought he was spewing a lot of garbage.
As I was watching, I was also scrolling through Facebook (because I can't ever just sit and watch TV), and a very, very, very dear friend of mine posted how proud she was of the man who I disagreed with.
If I had emailed her, or called her, or texted her, and said, "I can't believe you are supporting _____. If you keep supporting him, just stop being my friend now," I would have lost four years of a beautiful friendship that has blessed me, enriched my life, supported me and been priceless to me. I don't think any less of her because we are on opposite sides of the political spectrum. She is a selfless human being who gives of herself over and over again. Her political beliefs are just one tiny fraction of who she really is as a person.
It is my (very personal) opinion that social media would be a better place, a safer place, without any political comments. With that said, I do understand that people are passionate about their views, and want to share their thoughts, and perhaps social media is an appropriate place to do that.
But what if we stopped inciting while we shared our views? What if, instead of starting comments with "You conservatives all ..." or "All you liberals ..." we allowed for honest dialogue, and a safe place to disagree?
I'm not right on a lot of things, and I hope I'm always open to listening to opinions that are different than mine. But I can guarantee that when anyone says "You anything," I'm going to stop reading. It's inciting, it's accusatory, and it always -- ALWAYS -- feeds the problem instead of finding a solution.
Every Democrat, Republican, liberal, and conservative believes they are right. Shouting loudly that we are right and someone else is wrong only exacerbates the problem. I'll never listen to someone who is yelling. But, if someone can kindly and gently, without anger or malice, share their views on a topic -- any topic -- I'll gladly listen to whatever they have to say. Respect goes a long way in opening communication.
What if we tried kindness? What if we dared to see someone else's point of view? What if we stopped spewing insults at people who believed differently than we did? What if we stopped being angry?
If, for example, my friend Linda started out any comment by saying, "All you meat eaters should ...", I would immediately stop reading. But if she posted an honest comment about why she chose to stop eating meat, without claiming all meat-eaters were bad, or threatening to stop being friends with anyone who eats meat, I'm sure I would read it. And I'm sure I would consider her thoughts, whether or not it prompted any change in me.
We are solving nothing by fueling division, by constantly claiming one side is right and the other side is wrong.
How much better would life be if we focused on common ground instead of things that divide us?
Maybe we should try that.
I'm passionate about adoption. I am, and will always be, a fierce advocate for orphans, and I will continue to encourage others to adopt, and to fight for the children who need someone in their corner. I think far too few people consider adoption, which is why our orphan problem has spiraled out of control, with millions of children suffering as a result.
But who would listen to me if I started every Facebook post by saying, "All you selfish people who refuse to help the orphans ...?"
No one. Not one person would listen to what I had to say, nor should they. If I can't speak respectfully to them, I haven't earned the right to be heard.
We forget that what we post on social media is having a conversation with others. So unless I would go to my friends and colleagues, especially those who are of the opposite political party, and say right to their face, "You're being stupid if you vote ___," or "Can't you see how dumb ____ is?" or any other comments that fill my newsfeed, then I have no right to post it on Facebook.
Just because the Presidential race has gotten messy and ugly and barbaric, doesn't mean we have to join them. We can rise above it. We can be better. We can do better.
Regardless of what we say between now and Nov. 8, one party will be the winner, and one party will be the loser. And on Nov. 9, and for every day after that, for at least the next four years, we have to live with that choice. Whether the person I vote for wins the Presidency or not, I still want my friends.
That's what matter the most.
"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." ~Romans 12:18.
I have tried to stay silent, bite my tongue, and ignore the hate-filled speech, the accusatory comments from both sides, the "If you are voting for ____ , go ahead and unfriend me now" statements that show up in my newsfeed every. single. day. From both political sides.
But I can't. I can't stay quiet, because I feel like this election, more than any other, at least since I've been alive, has brought out the worst in all of us. We've taken our stand, drawn our lines in the sand, and dared anyone to disagree with us. We've started arguments and canceled friendships, all in the name of trying to make other people think like us, believe like us, vote like us. We've used party lines to divide us.
Perhaps, in that sense then, both parties have already won. Or lost.
What is it about politics that makes it such an us-or-them mentality? Of course, we want our nation to do well, and of course we vote for people who most align with our beliefs. But what are we solving by highlighting our differences, instead of focusing on our common ground?
My friend Linda is a vegetarian. This week I've had beef and broccoli, a chicken burrito and a meatball.
I have friends who are anti-gun. My husband has a carry permit.
My friend Richard doesn't go to church. I'm there almost every Sunday.
My friend Beth is a stay-at-home Mom (and rocks at it, by the way). I bring in half of our family's income.
I could go on and on, but you get the point.
Why are we so focused on the things that divide us, instead of the things that unite us? What is that helping?
I am all for polite and civil discussion, even -- or maybe especially -- among people who tend to vote differently than I do. I genuinely enjoy hearing other people's point of view, but whether we have similar or different political views doesn't change how I feel about them as a person.
A funny thing happened during the last Presidential election. I happened to have lunch with a friend the day we both voted, so of course we discussed it. I asked her who she voted for, and she told me, and then she asked me, and I told her I voted for the other party.
Then you know what we did?
We laughed, and talked about something else. I would no more cease to be her friend because she had different political views, than I would because she spent her money differently, or liked different books than I did.
Also during the last election, I watched one of the debates between the Vice-President hopefuls, so between Joe Biden and Paul Ryan. As I was watching, I completely disagreed with almost everything one of the men said. I shook my head a lot, and frankly thought he was spewing a lot of garbage.
As I was watching, I was also scrolling through Facebook (because I can't ever just sit and watch TV), and a very, very, very dear friend of mine posted how proud she was of the man who I disagreed with.
If I had emailed her, or called her, or texted her, and said, "I can't believe you are supporting _____. If you keep supporting him, just stop being my friend now," I would have lost four years of a beautiful friendship that has blessed me, enriched my life, supported me and been priceless to me. I don't think any less of her because we are on opposite sides of the political spectrum. She is a selfless human being who gives of herself over and over again. Her political beliefs are just one tiny fraction of who she really is as a person.
It is my (very personal) opinion that social media would be a better place, a safer place, without any political comments. With that said, I do understand that people are passionate about their views, and want to share their thoughts, and perhaps social media is an appropriate place to do that.
But what if we stopped inciting while we shared our views? What if, instead of starting comments with "You conservatives all ..." or "All you liberals ..." we allowed for honest dialogue, and a safe place to disagree?
I'm not right on a lot of things, and I hope I'm always open to listening to opinions that are different than mine. But I can guarantee that when anyone says "You anything," I'm going to stop reading. It's inciting, it's accusatory, and it always -- ALWAYS -- feeds the problem instead of finding a solution.
Every Democrat, Republican, liberal, and conservative believes they are right. Shouting loudly that we are right and someone else is wrong only exacerbates the problem. I'll never listen to someone who is yelling. But, if someone can kindly and gently, without anger or malice, share their views on a topic -- any topic -- I'll gladly listen to whatever they have to say. Respect goes a long way in opening communication.
What if we tried kindness? What if we dared to see someone else's point of view? What if we stopped spewing insults at people who believed differently than we did? What if we stopped being angry?
If, for example, my friend Linda started out any comment by saying, "All you meat eaters should ...", I would immediately stop reading. But if she posted an honest comment about why she chose to stop eating meat, without claiming all meat-eaters were bad, or threatening to stop being friends with anyone who eats meat, I'm sure I would read it. And I'm sure I would consider her thoughts, whether or not it prompted any change in me.
We are solving nothing by fueling division, by constantly claiming one side is right and the other side is wrong.
How much better would life be if we focused on common ground instead of things that divide us?
Maybe we should try that.
I'm passionate about adoption. I am, and will always be, a fierce advocate for orphans, and I will continue to encourage others to adopt, and to fight for the children who need someone in their corner. I think far too few people consider adoption, which is why our orphan problem has spiraled out of control, with millions of children suffering as a result.
But who would listen to me if I started every Facebook post by saying, "All you selfish people who refuse to help the orphans ...?"
No one. Not one person would listen to what I had to say, nor should they. If I can't speak respectfully to them, I haven't earned the right to be heard.
We forget that what we post on social media is having a conversation with others. So unless I would go to my friends and colleagues, especially those who are of the opposite political party, and say right to their face, "You're being stupid if you vote ___," or "Can't you see how dumb ____ is?" or any other comments that fill my newsfeed, then I have no right to post it on Facebook.
Just because the Presidential race has gotten messy and ugly and barbaric, doesn't mean we have to join them. We can rise above it. We can be better. We can do better.
Regardless of what we say between now and Nov. 8, one party will be the winner, and one party will be the loser. And on Nov. 9, and for every day after that, for at least the next four years, we have to live with that choice. Whether the person I vote for wins the Presidency or not, I still want my friends.
That's what matter the most.
"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." ~Romans 12:18.
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